Play with my child more and be more engaged in his world
Not get bored while playing
Get on the floor and play more often
Prepare breakfast rather than feeding this child frozen pancakes or sugary cereal
Provide enriching activities to promote language skill and cognitive development
Not yell or get frustrated
Not let him watch Shrek all day
Not buy him candy at the store to keep him quiet
Not ignore him while I check my phone, Facebook, or Pinterest.
I’ll get it right tomorrow…Tomorrow, yes tomorrow is my day. I’ve got this whole tomorrow thing in the bag. Tomorrow… a new day… a fresh start! Yes tomorrow is full of new beginnings!
Wait, hoooold it! Let’s not forget tomorrow turns into today which turns into tonight which turns into bedtime. I have a very ambiguous relationship with bedtime. You see I love bedtime but I hate the short moments between getting into bed and actually falling asleep. That is when I can’t stop my mind from reviewing the day in great detail, highlighting all of the missed opportunities and things I’ll have to try harder at tomorrow. Most of the time, I don’t really remember drifting off to sleep, but before I know it I am being startled awake with the screams from the other end of the baby monitor. Ugh, it is tomorrow. It is time to start back at that to do list.
I awake with the greatest of intentions but by 8:05 am I am letting the dog lick up the remaining eggo pancakes as my toddler chants “frooot loops, frooot loops” (or fruit loops to those of you without a toddler). I pour the 11g of sugar per serving sweet, round, toddler quieting cereal into a plastic bowl, top it with milk and hand him a spoon -like he uses a spoon. Then I reach for the remote to turn on Shrek in hopes of getting 2 quiet minutes to drink a hot cup of coffee. Not that I have ever experienced this first hand or anything but if I did I bet I would have been standing in my kitchen cuddling my hot cup of coffee thinking about how a good friend of mine lovingly called one of her mommy mess-ups a “#mommyfail.” This was for sure a #mommyfail. Well, I guess there is always tomorrow right?
Gosh, being a mommy is hard. It is much harder when you make yourself a” to do list” of behaviors that are surely going to produce a well-adjusted, happy, productive adult. I don’t know if it is a first time mommy thing or if it is the type A personality traits I haven’t quiet be able to squash in their entirety. I would venture to say I am not the only one though. I am sure there are many #mommyfail stories out there that would probably make everyone giggle. However, we dare not share them for fear that our children might hear that we don’t have it all together which will have them forwarding us their shrink bills for their entire adult life.
I guess the fact that we care if our children turn out ok is what actually makes them turn out ok in the end. When my kido grows up he won’t remember the “developmentally enriching” activities I provided for him when he was a year and a half old or the wonderfully nutritious breakfasts I served to him. What he will remember, at least I hope, is that his mom loved him so much for just who he is that her last thoughts before drifting to sleep were of his awesome personality rather than a carefully orchestrated to do list. I hope he knows he was always loved fiercely and that I really did try my hardest to make each decision in his best interest. I hope he someday knows that despite the sleepless nights, the tantrums, and the constant redirection not to sit on the dog for the 87th time… that he was, is, and always will be totally worth every bit of it. All I can do is hope, hope for the best and stand in the reality of having a toddler. Which means living with the full on toddler meltdown in the grocery store over not being able to smash the loaf of bread or the days when he eats more boogers than actual food. Being a mommy is a gift not to be squandered in worry about whether or not her child will turn out ok. While each day is in fact a new opportunity it is not a constant do over. It is a new day to love my child the best way I know how within the confines of each moment. Even if that means putting on Shrek, the first one, so I can finish a blog post.
So, my to do list for tomorrow: Screw the to do lists!
Here’s to tomorrow all my mommy friends!