Let me start by saying, the last 9 months have been such a happy and exciting time! We couldn’t be more blessed! We are so incredibly thankful for the opportunity to take care of this baby boy, to love him, and to show him who God is. He is truly a precious gift!
Now that everyone knows I am overjoyed with this experience lets be really honest for a minute without judgment. Am I the only one who is a little less than excited about what comes next? The swollen feet, morning sickness, and weight gain seem like a cake walk compared to how I feel standing at the bottom of this huge mountain I am getting ready to climb. In the next few weeks or sooner I will be hit with the reality of pain…. Lots of pain… ripping, tearing, needles, and bleeding. Are you kidding me? I am not sure I can do all that. Can’t I just skip this part and go right to the blissful time of holding him after he’s born? Not to mention: What if we don’t make it to the hospital? Did we pack the sham-wow in the car just in case of speedy clean up? Is my baby going to have his cord cut with a buck knife because of a roadside precipitous delivery? What if I have to be induced or have to have a c-section? Question after question finds its way into my mind.
It isn’t just the labor that is frightening. They actually let you bring the baby home! Can you believe they just hand this 6 lbs ish (I’m hoping) baby over to two people who know nothing about babies? We then get to be in charge of this fragile little guy 24 hours a day 7 days a week for the foreseeable future. Diaper changes, breast feedings, midnight earaches are all scary endeavors that await us in the next few months none of which either of us have any idea about. Oh and have you seen the clothes the baby wears? While they are the cutest darn things in the world they are also very very small… Do you know what that means? The baby is going to be that small too! How are we ever going to keep track of him, not squish him, or better yet how are we not going to leave him somewhere? I can just picture us getting home from Walmart with an empty baby carrier while we have the back and forth conversations… “No I thought you had him.” Oh my goodness…
What about my marriage relationship? Will it be reduced to breast milk and baby poop saturated hugs? Are we going to even have time for hugs? Do husbands still find their wives attractive after 3 days without a shower and tears of frustration streaming down their face? Also, I worry about my husband’s emotional state. How will he handle a hormone raging basket case of a wife and a screaming newborn all while trying to keep up with his obligations at work and everywhere else? People still stay married after they have a baby right?
While I do understand I am putting a little bit of an irrational and maybe comedic twist on the situation it doesn’t change the fact that there is a little bit of truth to it all. This is a scary life change and I am floundering on how to handle it. Am I the only one who ever had these same fears? Am I the worst person ever for lacking confidence in my parenting ability or lack thereof?