All of us have one of those friendships that last a lifetime right or at least all of us would likely want a friendship that will stand the test of time.
One of the first friendships I can remember started in kindergarten. It was one of the first days of school and I was excited to finally start school. I picked out the best outfit I had and made my hair just right! I was the new girl in town and wasn’t able to start school until two months after everyone else. Once I got to the classroom everyone was sitting by their best friends and no one really noticed I was there. They were coloring and giggling. I so badly wanted to join them. Then I met my friend and she told me, “everyone here already has a best friend and they don’t like you. In fact, you don’t have the same toys they do and they think your clothes are ugly. So, you should probably just stick with me anyway.” I guess she was probably right…
Then in junior high school my friend followed me into the uncharted territory of adolescence. Good thing I had my friend with me to help me through. My parents got a divorce during this time and I was pretty down about it. I had to make some serious life adjustments but my friend helped by reminding me that the divorce was probably my fault anyway. “If you would have been better and better behaved they wouldn’t have needed to split up. You could have done more to help them. I knew you would probably make them split up eventually. I am not sure why you’re so surprised.” I guess she was probably right… While things at home were rocky at best school seemed to be a little bit better with the help of my friend. My friend reminded me that I was poor and my clothes were from goodwill so I was never going to be popular, people were not going to like me, and I probably shouldn’t speak up in class because I was just going to sound dumb anyway. I guess she was probably right…
In high school my friend was still by my side and as always she helped me along the way. Despite her prompting to quit I tried out of cheerleader and made junior varsity captain. I was excited until she told me, “junior varsity is for losers! I can’t believe you were actually proud of yourself for a minute. You know if you were really good you would have made varsity. You should quit while you’re ahead because once anyone sees you they’re going to laugh. You’ll never be able to do this.” I guess she was probably right…
Again, in college my friend continued by my side. Good thing because she helped me to remember that I was in wayyyyy over my head and that I would probably fail out. “I can’t believe you actually decided to go to school. What do you really think you’ll be able to get a degree in? Besides your grades in high school were mediocre so chances are you ‘ll be awful in college too.” She also helped me from making friends and joining groups. What a mess I would have made of that. Trying new things was not a good idea because I was going to make a fool out of myself. Boy, did she save me from embarrassment or what!? I guess she was probably right…
Well I’m a grown up now and my friend is still by my side. She is always great at telling about how I could live my life “better.” Without her I wouldn’t know that I am a terrible wife and that my husband will probably lose interest especially if I don’t keep up the house, excel at my job, and stay fit. I also wouldn’t know that my job performance isn’t really that great either. I need to try harder and do better if I expect to get anywhere in life. Oh and my friends don’t really enjoy spending time with me, how could they? I also need to try harder at church and help out more often. I need to spend more time with my bible study and stop getting so distracted. I am also so lucky she tells me that I am not going to fit into this community and that my talents aren’t worth exploring. Well really what talents? Wow… without her I guess I would really be lost. I guess she really is right….
Right???? WRONG!! Gosh the person I described is the worst friend in the world! How could someone be friends with a person who is constantly putting them down? Well, that is exactly what I have done but the problem is my “friend” is always with me. My “friend” is me!! I am the person who has said these things, I am the person who has acted on these beliefs, and I am the one making myself suffer as I flounder to be better and better. Well…. I am breaking up with myself! I am no longer friends with the inner voice I fuel my behaviors with. While I can’t always control having feelings of being unworthy or having doubt I can choose not to subscribe to them. I can recognize them as a just feeling… just because I have a feeling doesn’t mean that it is the truth. I can evaluate the world based on my own ideas about who I want to be and not on the inner voice that keeps beating me down. I am duct taping her mouth and binding her hands because I guess she was never actually right!!
One of the first friendships I can remember started in kindergarten. It was one of the first days of school and I was excited to finally start school. I picked out the best outfit I had and made my hair just right! I was the new girl in town and wasn’t able to start school until two months after everyone else. Once I got to the classroom everyone was sitting by their best friends and no one really noticed I was there. They were coloring and giggling. I so badly wanted to join them. Then I met my friend and she told me, “everyone here already has a best friend and they don’t like you. In fact, you don’t have the same toys they do and they think your clothes are ugly. So, you should probably just stick with me anyway.” I guess she was probably right…
Then in junior high school my friend followed me into the uncharted territory of adolescence. Good thing I had my friend with me to help me through. My parents got a divorce during this time and I was pretty down about it. I had to make some serious life adjustments but my friend helped by reminding me that the divorce was probably my fault anyway. “If you would have been better and better behaved they wouldn’t have needed to split up. You could have done more to help them. I knew you would probably make them split up eventually. I am not sure why you’re so surprised.” I guess she was probably right… While things at home were rocky at best school seemed to be a little bit better with the help of my friend. My friend reminded me that I was poor and my clothes were from goodwill so I was never going to be popular, people were not going to like me, and I probably shouldn’t speak up in class because I was just going to sound dumb anyway. I guess she was probably right…
In high school my friend was still by my side and as always she helped me along the way. Despite her prompting to quit I tried out of cheerleader and made junior varsity captain. I was excited until she told me, “junior varsity is for losers! I can’t believe you were actually proud of yourself for a minute. You know if you were really good you would have made varsity. You should quit while you’re ahead because once anyone sees you they’re going to laugh. You’ll never be able to do this.” I guess she was probably right…
Again, in college my friend continued by my side. Good thing because she helped me to remember that I was in wayyyyy over my head and that I would probably fail out. “I can’t believe you actually decided to go to school. What do you really think you’ll be able to get a degree in? Besides your grades in high school were mediocre so chances are you ‘ll be awful in college too.” She also helped me from making friends and joining groups. What a mess I would have made of that. Trying new things was not a good idea because I was going to make a fool out of myself. Boy, did she save me from embarrassment or what!? I guess she was probably right…
Well I’m a grown up now and my friend is still by my side. She is always great at telling about how I could live my life “better.” Without her I wouldn’t know that I am a terrible wife and that my husband will probably lose interest especially if I don’t keep up the house, excel at my job, and stay fit. I also wouldn’t know that my job performance isn’t really that great either. I need to try harder and do better if I expect to get anywhere in life. Oh and my friends don’t really enjoy spending time with me, how could they? I also need to try harder at church and help out more often. I need to spend more time with my bible study and stop getting so distracted. I am also so lucky she tells me that I am not going to fit into this community and that my talents aren’t worth exploring. Well really what talents? Wow… without her I guess I would really be lost. I guess she really is right….
Right???? WRONG!! Gosh the person I described is the worst friend in the world! How could someone be friends with a person who is constantly putting them down? Well, that is exactly what I have done but the problem is my “friend” is always with me. My “friend” is me!! I am the person who has said these things, I am the person who has acted on these beliefs, and I am the one making myself suffer as I flounder to be better and better. Well…. I am breaking up with myself! I am no longer friends with the inner voice I fuel my behaviors with. While I can’t always control having feelings of being unworthy or having doubt I can choose not to subscribe to them. I can recognize them as a just feeling… just because I have a feeling doesn’t mean that it is the truth. I can evaluate the world based on my own ideas about who I want to be and not on the inner voice that keeps beating me down. I am duct taping her mouth and binding her hands because I guess she was never actually right!!