I am hoping everyone has a little spot just their own that they use to get closer to God. One of mine is at my desk that looks out into our garden and just beyond the little garden is the view of our spacious land. It is freeing to gaze out the window and see how truly big and small my world is. Today as I sit and look into the garden I am not finding the refuge I am used to. I am suddenly more aware of the dead plants, flowers, and the weeds that have overtaken the entire area. The ugly view this morning is actually my fault. Last summer I didn’t take proper care of the garden to prepare it for winter and now the ramifications of my laziness are lying across the ground in crunchy brown piles. Even the little waterfall that rests beside the garden is overgrown with weeds, leaves, and moss. Gone are the visions of the honeysuckle blowing in the breeze or the buzzing bees germinating the various flowers. I know it is still too early to have those beautiful flowers accompany me today in my worship but the garden looks much more like a cemetery.
The dried out foliage is an ever present reminder of what has happened over the last few months as I neglected myself. Typically I enjoy sitting to read a few verses or complete a daily devotional however there are times when I find it difficult to sit still, to make time, or to simply talk to God. These times are hard because with restlessness usually brings a bit of depression. It is hard for me to understand why I am not feeling like myself and why I am hiding my time from God. Like my collection of dead plants I have been keeping all winter, when I neglect how I am feeling while it is happening I am left with a lot more work trying to get my heart spruced back up again. Last fall it was much easier for me to leave my plants to die than it was to clean them up for the next year. Easy isn’t ever easier.
There are so many different issues lying heavy on my heart right now and I am meeting emotional resistance in dealing with them. Instead of meeting them head on I occupy my mind with everything else rather than sitting and talking it over with the Lord. The big issues are like those weeds in the garden, overcrowding my mind. Frustration ensues and willingness to deal with little annoyances dissipates. So, I get frazzled, annoyed, and upset. Little issues are never little for long and big issues tend to seem bigger than they really are. Today I am finding myself at a cross roads. Will I tend to the garden? Will I rip up the soil and start fresh? Or will I simply take the easy way out? Will I miss out on the fresh soil that could be awaiting the planting of new flowers for spring?