So you’re pregnant right? How exciting! All of the wonderful baby clothes, toys, nursery decorations, and don’t forget the cute little diapers! Let the shopping trips and preparations begin! You attend the labor and delivery class, the breastfeeding class, the taking care of a newborn class and whatever other classes there may be out there. You have looked up all of the advice you can find, and read that “what to expect” book cover to cover and even bought the “what to expect” workout video. You’re prepared. You’re ready. You’ve got this… right?!
Wrong, wrong, oh so wrong. Sorry to rain on your perfect parade but all of that preparation means little to nothing. Don’t get me wrong it is nice to have the “some” assembly required crib put together before your baby comes because let’s face it babies probably shouldn’t be witness to words you’re going to say when you are trying to read those directions. “*&*%$!! Seriously! Are these instructions the Portuguese version?” Nothing and I mean nothing can prepare you for motherhood. It is something you just have to jump into, often head first. All of that “perfect” you’ve strived for doesn’t exist anymore.
The reality of it is simple; you do what you have to do to get by. That means dishes will pile up in the sink, there will be days when you have popcorn for dinner and a month or two may go by without a real date night. If you’re like me there will be days that even though you swore you’d never be “that” parent who sits their kids in front of the TV you will breakdown and use the TV for a baby sitter so you can cook dinner or better yet run to the bathroom!
All this honesty has me a little scared… want to know why? Remember junior high? I do! Those little girls are sharks and one whiff fresh blood will send them whirling with excitement of a fresh kill! Although we probably all took turns being on the giving and receiving end of the harassment most of us can remember horrible stories about the girls who tormented us relentlessly. The insecure girl all of about 13 years old can never seem to get it right and it seemed like she could never measure up. Oh my, I am glad that is over!!
But is it? Or have we just adapted ourselves into a more sophisticated form of bullying or {gasp} MOMMY SHAMMING!
Everyone knows that mommy who seems like they have it all together right? She has the bikini ready body weeks after birth, would never use the binky that just fell on the floor, still has a loving connection with her husband, attends church every Sunday, she is always there to tuck their children in at night, she breastfed her baby over a year and she is blessed to be a stay at home mommy, room mommy, and whatever other kind of outstanding mommy there could be.
By those standards I am the worst mommy ever! I am far from any bikini and I’m honestly relieved it is almost fall so I don’t have to think about another swimming suit for like a year (hopefully longer, or never). I have often wiped off the binky and put it right back in his mouth. My connection with my husband has been “in transition” over the last few months. I haven’t gone to church for weeks... Ok months. There are several nights a week I don’t get to see my baby when he wakes up or when he falls asleep. I breastfed for about three months and was totally over it. I am not a stay at home mommy, probably will never be a room mommy… I guess I am really not a very outstanding mommy at all!!
Well, this is where reality meets expectations. No one can live up to the expectations of the Stepford wife stereotype because it isn’t real. Sticky floors, spit up covered t-shirts, and toys on the living room floor are what having a baby is like. It isn’t perfect, we aren’t perfect, and we shouldn’t be expected to be! It is ok to make mistakes and messes because in the midst of those imperfect areas is where love happens. By rolling with the punches and being content with ourselves we are teaching our children much more valuable lessons than what it is like to live in a perfect situation. We are teaching them to be flexible, real, and honest.
So, for any of you out there who have been on the receiving end of mommy shamming… I am sorry! For any of you out there who knowingly or unknowingly participate in mommy shaming, let it go. Let yourself relax, give into the mess of life, and have fun. Don’t be so uptight! Share your journey with other people because when you are real with yourself you can experience real supportive relationships with other mommies!
Girls, put down your junior high mindset and let’s just all be friends! We have the greatest potential to be the biggest support for each other. We have it hard enough without being hard on each other! We are women, we are mommies, we must stick together!
Wrong, wrong, oh so wrong. Sorry to rain on your perfect parade but all of that preparation means little to nothing. Don’t get me wrong it is nice to have the “some” assembly required crib put together before your baby comes because let’s face it babies probably shouldn’t be witness to words you’re going to say when you are trying to read those directions. “*&*%$!! Seriously! Are these instructions the Portuguese version?” Nothing and I mean nothing can prepare you for motherhood. It is something you just have to jump into, often head first. All of that “perfect” you’ve strived for doesn’t exist anymore.
The reality of it is simple; you do what you have to do to get by. That means dishes will pile up in the sink, there will be days when you have popcorn for dinner and a month or two may go by without a real date night. If you’re like me there will be days that even though you swore you’d never be “that” parent who sits their kids in front of the TV you will breakdown and use the TV for a baby sitter so you can cook dinner or better yet run to the bathroom!
All this honesty has me a little scared… want to know why? Remember junior high? I do! Those little girls are sharks and one whiff fresh blood will send them whirling with excitement of a fresh kill! Although we probably all took turns being on the giving and receiving end of the harassment most of us can remember horrible stories about the girls who tormented us relentlessly. The insecure girl all of about 13 years old can never seem to get it right and it seemed like she could never measure up. Oh my, I am glad that is over!!
But is it? Or have we just adapted ourselves into a more sophisticated form of bullying or {gasp} MOMMY SHAMMING!
Everyone knows that mommy who seems like they have it all together right? She has the bikini ready body weeks after birth, would never use the binky that just fell on the floor, still has a loving connection with her husband, attends church every Sunday, she is always there to tuck their children in at night, she breastfed her baby over a year and she is blessed to be a stay at home mommy, room mommy, and whatever other kind of outstanding mommy there could be.
By those standards I am the worst mommy ever! I am far from any bikini and I’m honestly relieved it is almost fall so I don’t have to think about another swimming suit for like a year (hopefully longer, or never). I have often wiped off the binky and put it right back in his mouth. My connection with my husband has been “in transition” over the last few months. I haven’t gone to church for weeks... Ok months. There are several nights a week I don’t get to see my baby when he wakes up or when he falls asleep. I breastfed for about three months and was totally over it. I am not a stay at home mommy, probably will never be a room mommy… I guess I am really not a very outstanding mommy at all!!
Well, this is where reality meets expectations. No one can live up to the expectations of the Stepford wife stereotype because it isn’t real. Sticky floors, spit up covered t-shirts, and toys on the living room floor are what having a baby is like. It isn’t perfect, we aren’t perfect, and we shouldn’t be expected to be! It is ok to make mistakes and messes because in the midst of those imperfect areas is where love happens. By rolling with the punches and being content with ourselves we are teaching our children much more valuable lessons than what it is like to live in a perfect situation. We are teaching them to be flexible, real, and honest.
So, for any of you out there who have been on the receiving end of mommy shamming… I am sorry! For any of you out there who knowingly or unknowingly participate in mommy shaming, let it go. Let yourself relax, give into the mess of life, and have fun. Don’t be so uptight! Share your journey with other people because when you are real with yourself you can experience real supportive relationships with other mommies!
Girls, put down your junior high mindset and let’s just all be friends! We have the greatest potential to be the biggest support for each other. We have it hard enough without being hard on each other! We are women, we are mommies, we must stick together!